Business Card of the Year
No new posts in over two months? How unsightly.
Here’s a business card distributed by a plastic surgeon; it has two holes and some stretchy rubber — put your fingers through the back and her breasts swell unnaturally before your very eyes! Brilliant.
Copyranter: Female plastic surgeon’s fake boobs business card.
That reminds me — my humanitarian work [...]
Dad, do you ever get that … itchy feeling?
When it comes to TV commercials for products you apply to your intimate areas, nothing can top the ’80s spots that began “Mom, do you ever get that … not-so-fresh feeling?” I wonder whether I would still be so sure of myself if I spoke Japanese. This is potentially just as good.
Anatomy of the city
On the subway today trying to explain the MTA map to the curious kid. Looking at it anew, I noticed — not that I shared this with him — yeah, it does look like a shlong, doesn’t it? All in all it was a nice visit to the Upper East Urethra but I’m glad to [...]
Can’t stand these links for Friday
They say the internet is a series of chairs. This is some stuff stuck to the bottom of those chairs.
British retailer eliminates so-called “boobage penalty.” Actually nobody has called it the “boobage penalty.” I just made that up. Stand back, I’m a professional writer.
Honestly I didn’t think Eddie Izzard could be any funnier. But that’s [...]
I not dead
What the world needs now is another lamer who starts a blog, then after an initial flurry of posts lets it go to seed. But I have actually been posting, just not here — I’m working on The Blow Up, Playboy’s Entertainment Blog. I plan to keep this going as well, if sporadically. In an [...]
Add to wish list
Dispenses liquor out of bum hole. Don’t worry, not human bum hole. Warthog bum hole. Two of them, actually. And as you can clearly tell, one was a boy and one was a girl. Maybe I’m just a romantic, but I like to think that they were married. Happy anniversary my dear, let’s have a [...]
I’m makin’ love to it
Cracked’s list of 9 Corporate Attempts at Edgy that Failed is pretty good, although the top spot is slightly botched. They got the corporation right — McDonald’s — but not the attempt. You could think on it all day long and still not come up with anything more clueless than the 2005 banner ad that [...]
Are you *sure* you don’t want a brown paper bag for that?
I asked the Playboy Advisor and got the straight story: Penis-enlargement is big business. Pun unavoidable.
1. Whip up a placebo (usually made of oats) with a suggestive name.
2. Devise a convincingly unpolished infomercial (these people are not actors — they are men with small penises and accredited urologists willing to lie for money).
3. Count the [...]
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itchy
